I don’t know if it’s a regret so much as reflecting on the past and seeing lost opportunities for a more wholesome, fuller life.
The first 50 or so years of my life were devoted to success mode. Having a successful career, good income, nice home and new cars, family… you get the idea. I was driven by my idea of success, and I saw myself as one of the winners, while judging some others as losers. Along with all that “winning” came immense amounts of stress, and self-judgment that I wasn’t successful enough.
Around age 50 suddenly, without warning, the words “Is that all there is?” came to mind. As I surveyed my life’s accomplishments and accumulations, they seemed to have lost a lot of their meaning. Boredom began to descend on me. Boredom with my life, my job, my family. And so I went into what some would call mid-life crisis. I grew increasingly dissatisfied with my wife, and eventually took on an extramarital affair. Boredom with my job led to performance deficiencies, and eventually I was fired. My wife learned of my affair and booted me from our dream home. Now not only unemployed, but actually homeless and very scared for the first time in my life. I started having ideas of taking my own life to end the painful situation I’d put myself in. This was full-on Halftime, as I’ve described in another post Read more.